Doors

There is a story in the book "Love Does" by Bob Goff that really bothers me. He wanted to be a lawyer and in order to do that, he had to go to law school. He didn't have the grades or test scores to get into law school so he tried another approach. He waited outside of the dean's office for two weeks every day saying to the dean, "Just tell me to go buy my books." Wouldn't you know, the dean DID tell him "Go buy your books" and he was accepted into law school.

It's really a great story and Bob Goff does a much better job of telling it. But it bothered me when I read it a few months ago and it still bothers me today. He says, "Maybe there are times when we think a door has been closed and, instead of misinterpreting the circumstances, God wants us to kick it down." I really hate that quote. I hate that quote because I don't know what to do with it. I think about it and get frustrated. How do you KNOW which doors to kick down and which ones to leave alone? That's very aggravating. I want to know exactly what to do. Isn't that what God is for? Isn't He up there to tell us exactly what to do and when to do it?

I know, at least I think I do, that God will not always give me the answers. But I'm so terrified of failing that I get mad when He doesn't tell me exactly what the next step is. I look at people around me and think, "Man, they have it easy". It creates a lot of jealousy in me. I am not the most talented at anything I do. I am average (at best) at a lot of things. So, if I ever do get anything right, it's usually through a ton of hard, laborious work. Somewhere along the way, I became upset by this. I don't know when it was, but I can see the slow progression in my anger towards God's lack of telling me exactly what to do to have the easiest life. It's silly and stupid when I say it out loud, but it's how I think.

What would my life look like if instead of praying, "God, please close any door that you don't want me to walk through" and instead just started barging through every slightly open door there was? I get easily discouraged and if there is one or two obstacles in my way, I usually chalk it up to the "God must have closed this door" idea. I'm not even sure why we pray for God to open and shut doors. I don't see that idea in the Bible, that's for sure. All I really see is God saying, "Obeying me is going to be really hard. So get ready for a life full of opposition and road blocks." I mean, look at the Apostles. Jesus told them in person to go and preach the gospel and yet every single one of them faced incredible opposition. Or Moses! Holy cow, God spoke to him a burning bush and told him exactly what to do and yet it was still really hard and difficult to free the people of Israel. Then God had them wander the desert for 40 years! If those are the stories in the Bible, why do I think my life will be any different?

Like I said, somewhere along the way I became angry and frustrated at how difficult things seemed to be. Every time I feel God calling me to do something, it's really difficult. Unfortunately, I have become quickly discouraged more often then not and given up only to find myself miserable with whatever easy way out I took. Maybe it's time I start running through doors and praying it's God's will. I love what St. Augustine said, "Love God and do what you please". There is so much freedom in those words. Or like the Keith Green said in my favorite song of his, "Keep doing your best and pray that it's blessed". There is freedom in only focusing on Christ and not worrying about which door to walk through. We already have Christ, anything else is just icing on the cake.